Zips Diner-Xmas Trees-and Independent Kids
Does anyone have a Zips Diner story? A story of the rite of passage of kids growing into adults in their family? Kids growing up and developing their own sense of independence and outgrowing traditions? Well I've got one. As parents, we are sometimes are sad about our children growing up. We should instead see these situations as opportunity for growth and accept that it is OK for them to spread their wings and grow up. Well I'll explain...it all starts with Zips Diner--
For years our family tradition was to drive to Connecticut with the six kids jammed into the minivan to cut down a the Christmas tree. We would go to one of those cut your own trees for the "experience". The experience where you take the 18" hand saw into the bowels of tree farm and cut down the 9 foot tree. And then drag it back to the stand--pay $50 bucks. Strap it on the mini van by yourself (well the guys were pretty helpful but you get my drift) then drive home. This experience in and of itself can be quite comical. I remember trudging through 2 foot snow piles some years because one of the kids couldn't decide on the perfect one--they liked the tree that was deep in the woods better than another that looked exactly like it right by the path near the road. I remember one year laying on the wet ground for 20 minutes in 50 degree weather (sweating) while I tried in vain to use the mini saw--with an obviously dull blade-- to cut down a monster tree! Or the time when this kids couldn't decide for what seemed like hours on exactly the right one! But I also remember the smiles in the kids eyes, the pictures we would take of them proudly conquering the tree, the togetherness of taking turns to saw cause one of the moms or some other kid got tired. This is what the experience is all about--it's about family, it's about togetherness, it's about tradition, and it's about memories. I wouldn't trade them for the world!
After the conquering of the tree we would drive to Zips Diner and head in to sit at the counter or booth and have a meal. Now Zips is an old school Diner where you get milk shakes, bacon and eggs, hamburgers, and home fries. It's the type of place in a small connecticut town where in another time in my life-- at a similar place in Ithaca--my friends and I would probably head out for a late night breakfast after several rounds post hockey game at a local establishment--ahhh I digress... At Zips, the kids were in heaven. They would order all the grease they wanted and they would leave bellies full and Christmas tree in tow. I do not believe we sang Christmas Carols on the drive home--that would be just too much of a movie, this is real life-- there were fights over the radio station, disagreements over which road to take, and discussions about last days of school assignments due before the holiday vacation began.
So why am I telling you this? What does our family tradition have to do with sports, or kids, or independence???
Well this year, I tried and waited in vain for my youngest, Sean to come with me to cut down the tree. He is 16--'nuf said...We tried to coordinate schedules. But between, hockey, school, chorus, my work schedule we just couldn't make it work. Now I am sure that if it was a priority for both of us, we would've made it work. But it clearly wasn't. So yesterday Dec 19th-the latest we have ever gotten our tree-I trudged out to Connecticut by myself-- primarily because I like the drive, it reminds me of Christmas, and I know that they will have a tree, and they won't run out. I figure by the time I drove to picked over trees at the local places where the needles will fall off in a day, I could drive out get nostalgic and get the tree.
So I get there and it literally is a 30 degree perfect green day it hasn't snowed yet and the trees are in perfect rows. I drive into the empty parking lot and there are two guys in plaid shirts looking to help me--THANK GOD! I didn't know how my scrawny self was going to pull this off! So I talked to the guy and asked if he had any precuts--how dead can they be right it is a Christmas Tree Farm? Well they had about 6 trees and none looked like they would fit the bill. So I looked at the saw and then the guy and he looks at me and he knows what's coming--do you think you might be able to help me cut one of those trees out there? And he said YES. He was so nice and friendly and thankfully had very few customers (it was 6 days before Christmas--MOST people already have their tree) so he probably felt bad for me and thought that I might cut a finger off if he didn't help and who needs the liability! So I pick one out really close to the shack and he was awesome--had the tree down in 5 minutes with his chain saw (they don't give customers those--gladly). I slipped the guy a $10 and my tree was on the car and I was on my way back--Christmas tree in tow--but no Zips Diner this year.
Now I am NOT going to tell you that I was not sad about the fact that that kids were grown up or that I didn't shed a tear. Of course I did...I miss it. But those tears are for me--the tears that say "oh woe is me my kids don't want to be with me". But I had that feeling only for a fleeting moment...I believe that the tears we shed in these situations SHOULD be tears of joy! Joy that we are raising kids that are busy and have things to do like play hockey, be social with friends, study, essentially have a life. They are growing into independent people who have interests thoughts ideas and are not micromanaged by their parents. It is called growing up!
In our lives and particularly in our sports culture--parents micromanage our kids has this in instances has left our kids without the confidence to make decisions, without a roadmap (because WE gave it to them their whole life), but they do have a pile of meaningless trophies. They only EARNED the trophies in rare cases. (Don't get me started) Parents over schedule, over legislate, and over compensate for their kids inabilities in sports. If we just let kids play and grow and develop their own interest on their own time lines you would see them grow in the direction that was right for the individual child.
Back to my own kids--none of them were Division 1 athletes YET--Sean contends that as Division 5 (I have no idea what division but it is not 1) RI Football player that he will be a kicker in the NFL (let him dream;) They all came to their beginning and ends to their sports careers in their own way. I pushed them a little to try sports when they were little kids because I knew it was good for them for life skills sports teach. All of them played sports through high school and none played in college-one club baseball, one club crew. Five of the six went to these schools: Brown (2), Emmanuel, Wentworth, BU, and TBA for Sean. They all were good students went to good schools. They are successful in life have careers and interests (that are not mine..but I must confess I wish one would be a coach) and they are making it!
News flash--sports scholarships and going to the NHL and NFL are our dreams (almost always) not theirs.
Now as the parent I am not going to tell you that it doesn't hit me right between the eyes at how much older I am getting, and that on a rare day I think it would be fun to go back in time. Zips Diner reminds me of this. Then I catch myself and say this is the life cycle, you are raising amazing independent kids who are now off (our) payroll and headed into life. They are capable and finding their way each in their own way. I am proud, I am happy, and I know that as parents teach their kids in life (and sport) how to be independent it makes the child better--Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!
